Monday, May 23, 2011

Fred Wilpon: What Were You Thinking?

Ladies and gentlemen...presenting your 2011 New York Mets. For those of your who have about 20 minutes, I would suggest reading this somewhat lengthy article in The New Yorker regarding Fred Wilpon, the principle owner of the Metropolitans, and his (apparent) involvement in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi Scheme. Nobody cares about the Ponzi Scheme, that shit is old, overplayed, and frankly, really fucking stupid. I mean seriously, the SEC let this greedy asshole Madoff literally steal billions of dollars and nobody caught him! WTF!

Anyway, back to sports, I could go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, about how the Mets are quite honestly, the worst run franchise in the history of sports. From the scouts, to the trainers, to the minor leaguers, to the big leaguers, to the coaching staff, to the GM, and finally, to the owners. But I won't go into that, what I will go into, is how Fred Wilpon has never been more spot on in his analysis of the Mets:

1) Jose Reyes WILL NOT get Carl Crawford money. No fucking way. His career OBP is .336 (AWFUL for a lead-off hitter). It seems like the dude pulls a groin every time he takes a shit. You've gotta be Daniel Snyder to think giving Reyes top dollar is a good idea.

2) Beltran? $120 MM? He's had 2, I counted, 2 good seasons with the Mets. He was the last out in game 7 of the 2007 NLCS in the 9th inning with the bases loaded and down by 2 runs. He took a called 3rd strike. Very unmanly. So yes, Freddy boy was correct in saying that Beltran has been 65-70% of the player he was with the Astros in the postseason. I did a little reconnaissance on and found that the batter who is most similar to Carlos Beltran over the course of his career...Reggie Sanders...I swear viewers, I am not making this up. Yes, this is the same Reggie Sanders who, over the course of his career, made 1 all-star game appearance. Case rested.

3) David Wright is NOT a superstar. Not a chance. I hate it when Mets fans try to compare David Wright to A-Rod, some even going as far as saying that he is downright better. It's not even close. Mets fans are like girls who think they can outdrink you. With every meaningless April 2 game winning streak, Mets fans truly believe they can contend, just like the girl who just took 2 shots and thinks she can keep up. Yes, the Mets may be able to be less than 5 games out by the All-Star break, but just like a drunk girl who believes she's not THAT drunk, the Mets always find a way to completely implode. And just like that sloppy girl at the bar, it's downright embarrassing. 

End the misery. Sell the team. Break up the core. Start rebuilding.

That should be the Mets' new slogan.


Beer Pong

Man Hub wouldn't be complete without an entry about beer pong, the single greatest man game of all time. Beer pong is so simple. Beer pong is so efficient. Beer pong is everything that is man. Look at me now, I'm rambling on like a little school girl, but I can't help it, these are the true feelings I have for beer pong.

Take Saturday as an example: Yours truly and my partner in grime Wade Bloggs, participated in a 32 team beer pong tournament. Finished in 7th place, should have won, blah blah blah, no one cares, but what is important is the essence of the game: 2 men, 2 ping pong balls, 10 cups, and approximately 3 beers a game.

People may think Christopher Columbus made the most important discovery of all time, but at Man Hub, we respectively disagree. That honor goes to the frat bros at Dartmouth who first invented the game of beer pong. Thank you frat bros, you have made the lives of all ordinary men THAT much better.

Yours Fratfully,

Señor Blogs

You're Welcome Yankee Fans

Since Man Hub launched and I bashed the Yanks they have gone 5-1 inlcuding taking two out of three against the Mets. While this is not that impressive because the Mets have two legit major league hitters in their lineup right now, the Subway Series still gets fans' balls tingling so I had to mention it.

The Yanks are far from being where they need to be though. They depend way too much on the long ball, with over 50% of their runs coming via the home run. The next closest is Arizona at 38% but they suck so who cares. Robby Cano is struggling but he will turn it around. Some dipshit in my fantasy league just traded him straight up for Carl Crawford. The Yankees and the Red Sox should never be doing business, even if it is in a fantasy baseball league. Just a terrible trade all around.

Ray Lewis is Going to Kill People

There is no other way to interperet what he says in this interview right? I mean, the guy already went to trial for murder or being involved with a murder, or something having to do with murder. What is he talking about, "evil" is going to increase. He obviously is referring to himself. With no NFL season, he has nothing better to do, and if he can't take out his rage by destroying tight ends that come over the middle, he is going to just have to straight up murder people in night clubs and movie theaters, and wherever else Ray Lewis wants to murder somebody.

I mean don't get me wrong, I love football and if I prayed it would be for the NFL to have a season, but if there isn't one I'm not going to start committing crimes. I will just find something else to do on Sundays. I'll watch a Man v. Food marathon or something. Am I going to miss watching the Cowboys underperform? Of course I am. But you can still go out in public without the fear of Wade Bloggs murdering your ass.

Anybody who is committing crimes because there is no football season was probably going to commit those crimes anyway. So a little heads up to the Baltimore Police Department, when people start showing up all murdered and shit, I would say you already have your prime suspect.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

RIP Randy Savage

Let it be known that not every celebrity that passes away (there have been a lot lately) will be remembered by Man Hub. However, Randy "Macho Man" Savage epitomized all that is man. I mean look at this character, he's sporting a mullet, aviators, and the championship belt. If that doesn't define a manly man, I don't know what does.

Early Friday morning, the Macho Man died in a tragic car accident. He was accompanied by his second wife. No, this isn't the wife you wrestling fans are thinking of; the first lady of wrestling in the late 80's.

Anyway, it's a sad day to be a man. Personally, I'm shocked the Macho Man hadn't OD'd on cocaine, or ripped his own head off in a roid rage incident, as that would have been the more appropriate way for this man to go out. Check out the below tribute to the Macho Man and pray that Miss Elizabeth is holding down the ropes in the ring of heaven, letting Randy enter gracefully.