Fred Wilpon: What Were You Thinking?

Ladies and gentlemen...presenting your 2011 New York Mets. For those of your who have about 20 minutes, I would suggest reading this somewhat lengthy article in The New Yorker regarding Fred Wilpon, the principle owner of the Metropolitans, and his (apparent) involvement in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi Scheme. Nobody cares about the Ponzi Scheme, that shit is old, overplayed, and frankly, really fucking stupid. I mean seriously, the SEC let this greedy asshole Madoff literally steal billions of dollars and nobody caught him! WTF!

Anyway, back to sports, I could go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, about how the Mets are quite honestly, the worst run franchise in the history of sports. From the scouts, to the trainers, to the minor leaguers, to the big leaguers, to the coaching staff, to the GM, and finally, to the owners. But I won't go into that, what I will go into, is how Fred Wilpon has never been more spot on in his analysis of the Mets:

1) Jose Reyes WILL NOT get Carl Crawford money. No fucking way. His career OBP is .336 (AWFUL for a lead-off hitter). It seems like the dude pulls a groin every time he takes a shit. You've gotta be Daniel Snyder to think giving Reyes top dollar is a good idea.

2) Beltran? $120 MM? He's had 2, I counted, 2 good seasons with the Mets. He was the last out in game 7 of the 2007 NLCS in the 9th inning with the bases loaded and down by 2 runs. He took a called 3rd strike. Very unmanly. So yes, Freddy boy was correct in saying that Beltran has been 65-70% of the player he was with the Astros in the postseason. I did a little reconnaissance on baseballreference.com and found that the batter who is most similar to Carlos Beltran over the course of his career...Reggie Sanders...I swear viewers, I am not making this up. Yes, this is the same Reggie Sanders who, over the course of his career, made 1 all-star game appearance. Case rested.


3) David Wright is NOT a superstar. Not a chance. I hate it when Mets fans try to compare David Wright to A-Rod, some even going as far as saying that he is downright better. It's not even close. Mets fans are like girls who think they can outdrink you. With every meaningless April 2 game winning streak, Mets fans truly believe they can contend, just like the girl who just took 2 shots and thinks she can keep up. Yes, the Mets may be able to be less than 5 games out by the All-Star break, but just like a drunk girl who believes she's not THAT drunk, the Mets always find a way to completely implode. And just like that sloppy girl at the bar, it's downright embarrassing. 


End the misery. Sell the team. Break up the core. Start rebuilding.

That should be the Mets' new slogan.

Cheers.

Beer Pong

Man Hub wouldn't be complete without an entry about beer pong, the single greatest man game of all time. Beer pong is so simple. Beer pong is so efficient. Beer pong is everything that is man. Look at me now, I'm rambling on like a little school girl, but I can't help it, these are the true feelings I have for beer pong.

Take Saturday as an example: Yours truly and my partner in grime Wade Bloggs, participated in a 32 team beer pong tournament. Finished in 7th place, should have won, blah blah blah, no one cares, but what is important is the essence of the game: 2 men, 2 ping pong balls, 10 cups, and approximately 3 beers a game.

People may think Christopher Columbus made the most important discovery of all time, but at Man Hub, we respectively disagree. That honor goes to the frat bros at Dartmouth who first invented the game of beer pong. Thank you frat bros, you have made the lives of all ordinary men THAT much better.

Yours Fratfully,

Señor Blogs

You're Welcome Yankee Fans

Since Man Hub launched and I bashed the Yanks they have gone 5-1 inlcuding taking two out of three against the Mets. While this is not that impressive because the Mets have two legit major league hitters in their lineup right now, the Subway Series still gets fans' balls tingling so I had to mention it.

The Yanks are far from being where they need to be though. They depend way too much on the long ball, with over 50% of their runs coming via the home run. The next closest is Arizona at 38% but they suck so who cares. Robby Cano is struggling but he will turn it around. Some dipshit in my fantasy league just traded him straight up for Carl Crawford. The Yankees and the Red Sox should never be doing business, even if it is in a fantasy baseball league. Just a terrible trade all around.

Ray Lewis is Going to Kill People

There is no other way to interperet what he says in this interview right? I mean, the guy already went to trial for murder or being involved with a murder, or something having to do with murder. What is he talking about, "evil" is going to increase. He obviously is referring to himself. With no NFL season, he has nothing better to do, and if he can't take out his rage by destroying tight ends that come over the middle, he is going to just have to straight up murder people in night clubs and movie theaters, and wherever else Ray Lewis wants to murder somebody.

I mean don't get me wrong, I love football and if I prayed it would be for the NFL to have a season, but if there isn't one I'm not going to start committing crimes. I will just find something else to do on Sundays. I'll watch a Man v. Food marathon or something. Am I going to miss watching the Cowboys underperform? Of course I am. But you can still go out in public without the fear of Wade Bloggs murdering your ass.

Anybody who is committing crimes because there is no football season was probably going to commit those crimes anyway. So a little heads up to the Baltimore Police Department, when people start showing up all murdered and shit, I would say you already have your prime suspect.

RIP Randy Savage

Let it be known that not every celebrity that passes away (there have been a lot lately) will be remembered by Man Hub. However, Randy "Macho Man" Savage epitomized all that is man. I mean look at this character, he's sporting a mullet, aviators, and the championship belt. If that doesn't define a manly man, I don't know what does.

Early Friday morning, the Macho Man died in a tragic car accident. He was accompanied by his second wife. No, this isn't the wife you wrestling fans are thinking of; the first lady of wrestling in the late 80's.

Anyway, it's a sad day to be a man. Personally, I'm shocked the Macho Man hadn't OD'd on cocaine, or ripped his own head off in a roid rage incident, as that would have been the more appropriate way for this man to go out. Check out the below tribute to the Macho Man and pray that Miss Elizabeth is holding down the ropes in the ring of heaven, letting Randy enter gracefully.

Mandom thought of the day

Does grunting increase strength? Just wondering

Question Regarding Kris Humphies

There are many perks to being a profession athlete. You have fame, you have fortune, and you get to play the game that you love for a living. There is also a 75% chance that you will eventually sleep with Kim Kardashian. Her newest man is New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries. The two have been dating now for a decent period of time, I think. Which brings me to the issue at hand. Does Kim Kardashian's sex tape bother him? And what kind of man does this make him?

Let's be honest, there is no way that Humphries has not seen Kim Kardashian and Ray-J bumping uglies for the video camera. Everyone with a penis and the internet has seen it. It has to bother him right? I mean obviously he chose to date her so it can't bother him too much, but opposing NBA players must bring the tape up to him on a daily basis. You think Joakim Noah isn't trying to get in his head from the minute the game starts? Humphries goes to the free throw line and hears, "So Kris, does Kim always keep her bra on during sex?" Airball. Humphries is guarding Noah in the paint, "So Kris, has Kim ever accidentally put her sex tape on when she was trying to show you a home video of Khloe in a meatball eating contest?" Dunk for Noah. Or just flat out, "Hey Kris, can I borrow some of your hand cream, I am going to use it when I watch your girlfriends sex tape tonight after the game." Bulls win, Noah goes for 20 and 15, while Humphries gets ejected for elbowing him in the head. It would be natural for this to get under Humphries' skin, but I don't really think that it does. That makes him a pretty manly man if you ask me.

Here are a couple of reasons why Kris probably doesn't care. Reason 1. Reason 2.

Projecting the Knicks’ First Round Pick

In the aftermath of the least exciting NBA lottery of all time, one in which a handicapped 14 year old boy stole the show, Man Hub would like to present the case for who the New York Knicks should select with the 17^th pick in the 2011 NBA Draft. The draft is about a month or so away, so here is a look into 2 players who are currently on the Knicks’ radar. However, don’t be surprised if they end up drafting some 6’11” Frenchman who will end up with Vince Carter’s balls in his face and never even catch a glimpse of the World’s Most Famous Arena.

Jimmer Fredette – 6’2” PG - BYU: Jimmer was the 2010-2011 NCAA division 1 player of the year. He led the nation in scoring, and carried BYU into the sweet 16 of the NCAA tournament. When Jimmer was on, he was lights out. The dude could score from 35 feet away, no problem. And for a white boy, he has a pretty diverse set of basketball moves. He’s not afraid to drive to the hoop, and can score at will. His downfall is defense. With all that energy he expends dropping 30 a game, Jimmer is left utterly useless on the defensive end. The dude can’t guard a barn. If I got the ball first in a game of one-on-one, I’d probably beat little Jimmer. On paper, this pick makes perfect sense for the Knicks. They run an offense-first, defense-seventh, type of game. They’d gladly give up 120 points to the Raptors, knowing damn well that they can throw up a buck thirty no big deal. The thing is, I actually don’t see Jimmer fitting in well with the Knicks. Chauncey is their man at the point, and Jimmer is too small to play shooting guard. Plus, there aren’t enough shots to go around, with Stat and Melo averaging 25 PPG, to quench Jimmer’s insatiable thirst for scoring. If Jimmer’s still on the board at 17, we say: PASS!

Man Hub’s NBA comparison = Glorified JJ Reddick

Kenneth Faried – 6’8” F – Morehead St.: Do you remember Louisville’s first round game in the NCAA tournament? I do. Let’s not even call this a game. It was an ass-fucking of epic proportions at the hands of 13-seeded Morehead State. I distinctly recall this guy Kenneth Faried, looking like Lil’ Wayne on steroids, just straight beasting the offensive and defensive glass, imposing his manhood on a more talented, but less hungry Louisville team. Faried was a force to be reckoned with against a top talent program like Louisville. He played outstanding defense, hustled, blocked shots, rebounded, and dunked his way into the 2^nd round of the tournament. At that point, I was drawn to him. I thought to myself, wow, the Knicks could really use someone with such heart. Sorry Ronny Turiaf, but you don’t have half the heart of Kenneth Faried (pun intended). The Knicks DESPERATELY need a player who doesn’t mind getting a little dirty, someone who enjoys boxing out, playing defense, and hustling on every single possession. If Faried is on the board at 17, we say: DRAFT

Man Hub’s NBA comparison = A less annoying Joakim Noah

Mavs vs Thunder Game 2

There is really no reason to write a full recap of this game. A few things of importance happened, but if you watched this game last night you witnessed one of the manliest dunks of all time. Just look at that picture for a minute. Brendon Haywood is 7 feet tall. Kevin Durant is so high in the air that Haywood might as well be checking his belly button for lint instead of trying to stop this dunk. Durant is eye level with the rim. Just absolutely posterizing poor Haywood. And as Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson said last night, Durant should have been able to say whatever he wanted and the refs should have just turned the other way and not given Durant a technical foul. "Hey Brendon, I am going to have sex with every member of your family tonight and make you watch while you cry in the corner." Perfectly acceptable. Haywood would feel less violated if that actually happened than he did after he got his man card revoked on national televison. He is going to have nightmares of giant Durantulas spinning webs around him, paralyzing him, and throwing down right in his eye. Poor guy.

Anyway, the Thunder won, and don't think for a second it had nothing to do with Russell Westbrook being on the bench for the entire fourth quarter. Yes he was an All-Star, and he was better with shot selection last night, but if he was in during the fourth quarter he would have done what he always does. Run down the clock and force bad shots with only a couple of seconds left on the shot clock. On a more serious note, James Harden's beard is getting pretty serious. Why is he not on Brian Wilson's level yet? Just because Wilson is a certified nut job shouldn't affect beard status. It might not be as large yet, but it is just perfectly kempt. It is time Harden's beard got some love. I got your back James.

Oh and Dirk missed a free throw and the entire state of Dallas broke the world record for most people gasping in disbelief at the same time

The Most Manly Movie Scene of All Time

There have been plenty of extremely manly movies scenes over the years. The 3some scene in Wild Things is quite possibly the hottest scene of any movie, but is it the manliest? Any time Clint Eastwood talks, he emanates man, but no single scene is more manly than the next.  The scene that comes to my mind probably won't come to yours, as this movie was the 2nd lowest grossing film of 2008, but let me tell you, it is a classic. If you have watched MacGruber, well then bless you, I guarantee you had a great experience. If you haven't, I suggest you go to target, look in the "Movies under $5" section, and pop it in your DVD player ASAP, because there is nothing more manly than the movie scene listed above.

A little background: MacGruber is a former Navy Seal, Army Ranger, and Green Beret. He served 6 tours in Desert Storm, 4 in Bosnia, 3 in Angola, Somalia, Mozambique, Nicaragua, and Sierra Leone. He is the recipient of 16 purple hearts, 3 Congressional Medals of Honor, 7 Presidential Medals of Bravery, and was the starting tight end for the University of Texas El Paso. Impressive right?

Even more impressive is that he stole his best friend's (Dieter Von Cunth) fiance from him, married her, she died, and he started banging her best friend (see above). Spoiler alert: he ends up killing his now arch enemy Dieter Von Cunth, but the manliest move of all time can be seen in the video above. MacGruber had just been shot, and as Vicki (MacGruber's deceased wife's best friend) is tending to his wounds, she proclaims her love for MacGruber. As they are about to kiss, she whispers "I'm a virgin." At this point, MacGruber utters the single 3 most ballsy man words of all time..."Not for long." It really doesn't get much more manly than taking the virginity of your ex-wife's best friend.

So man up men, and try thinking of a manlier movie scene. I challenge you to prove this post wrong.

Fantasy Sports: A Case Study

Man Hub has figured out why every man is enthralled with fantasy sports. Why every Monday morning, whether it be in the classroom, at work, or on the phone, men must discuss their fantasy football team's performance to any willing participant. A typical monday morning conversation could go something like this:
"Fuck my life, I started Carson Palmer over Josh Freeman, Carson threw 4 INTs, had 220 yards and a touchdown. I am SO fucked! I knew I should have started Freeman, and I swear, I had him starting, but then I backed out at the last second and switched."
Yeah yeah we've all heard that story a million times, but this isn't the time to bitch about sucky fantasy players. No, this is the time to truly understand why men are obsessed by this simple, yet captivating "sport."
The answer lies in the essence of fantasy sports: the draft. A fantasy draft is something that men look forward to from the time they make their last selection and take a team defense or a kicker. At Man Hub, we believe we've found the answer as to why men love the draft, and that is because being in charge of your team's draft is like being the GM of a professional sport team.
The GM is the most coveted man job in the entire world. I'm not making this up, it's science people. Right down to the very core, the GM position is the ultimate man job. Why? Well for starters, you're getting paid (quite handsomely) to spend other people's money to buy players that you choose to put together your very own team. The GM is in charge of the team, it is essentially "his" team. Survey any random group of 100 men, and I guarantee 90% say their dream job is to run their own sporting franchise. GM's get to watch what they've created. Suddenly they are not just a casual fan of a team, but in fact, the most die hard fan in the world. The type of fan who's personal life is severely affected by the outcome of his team's games. They experience the ultimate highs and the ultimate lows. Much like the Joe Shmoe who comes into the office on Monday morning looking physically, mentally, and emotionally drained after his fantasy team lost by a 1/2 point to the office asshole. We all know Joe was tracking his players on his iPhone fantasy sports app, while clicking through the channels, hopelessly praying that Donovan McNabb would somehow not get benched for the entire second half. Celebrating when Adrian Peterson scored a touchdown in the final minute, but depressed knowing that he came up 2 yards short of getting the 100 yard bonus point. The moment in time when Joe realized he had lost to the office asshole, his life for the next week, was turned upside down, similar to the agony of defeat for the GM of the Detroit Lions.
So there you have it men, we love fantasy sports because it gives US, the common man, an opportunity to have the best job in the entire world, to be a general manager.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Wants a Statue

So Kareem has been openly complaining lately about the fact that he doesn't have a statue outside of the Staples Center in Los Angeles. From Espn, "I don't understand [it]. It's either an oversight or they're taking me for granted." He goes on to say that he feels slighted by the organization and that it doesn't make him happy. Boo fuckin hoo Kareem, you don't have a statue outside the arena that drunk Laker fans can take pictures in front of pretending to block your shot, or fondle your balls, or whatever people take pictures of these days. Man up, be happy with all your rings, and don't make yourself look like a giant douche by complaining that there is no bronze replica of yourself for all to worship.

Those were my original thoughts. Then I remembered something. Something that proves to me, and should to you, that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar deserved a statue. It is this simple, Kareem taught Uncle Jessse how to ball. Jesse was lost before Kareem showed up. Shooting air balls, shooting over the backboard, just really brutal stuff. Then Kareem comes along, tells Uncle Jesse he needs to find his sweet spot, and BAM! Unlce Jesse starts hittin jumpers like Reggie Miller at Madison Square Garden.

Now I don't know if you remember the rest of this episode, and I don't know why the dipshit filming this off of his TV didn't roll the film a little longer, because clearly he has no life if he is filming Full House episodes off his TV, but Uncle Jesse nails the winning jumper in some basketball game that he, Uncle Joey, and Danny are playing in. Then I'm sure he goes and gives Becky a kiss, says "Have meeeercy," and the episode ends. He is the hero and it is all because of Kareem Abdul Jabbar. I mean if that doesn't get him a statue, what the hell will?

Wings: The Ultimate Man Food

Is there a manlier food than some crispy chicken wings doused in either buffalo or honey barbeque sauce? Think about it for a second: has there ever been a real man in the history of the world that hasn’t absolutely loved the experience of eating these delicious wings? Unless you’re a vegetarian (which no real man is), there’s no excuse to not get real freaky naughty up in those delectable flavors. But the real question here is why? Why do real men love wings so much? At Man Hub, we believe the answer is an evolutionary one.

Since the cave man era, men have been responsible for hunting food, bringing it back to their tee pee or whatever the fuck they lived in back in the day, waiting for their woman to cook it, and then going to town on the meat like there was no tomorrow. Literally, men ate meat as if it could possibly be there last meal ever. There were no guarantees that they would ever be able to catch another squirrel or rabbit or woolly fucking mammoth, and that they could possibly starve to death after that meal. There was no time to fuck around. They just took the meat, straight from the bone, and chomped down on it. No utensils, no plates, no condiments…nothing.

Now think about the way in which we eat wings…do you have a clear visual in your head yet? If it’s anything even remotely close to the picture in my head, then you’re imagining some slightly overweight dude, nose deep in a plate of hot wings, plucking the meat off the bone, with his entire face covered in buffalo sauce. It almost seems like savagery, just like how our ancient ice age ancestors did it. The process of eating wings is quite literally, how a real life cave man would want us to do it. It is ingrained in our brains to devour wings like a savage, like there is no next meal. So next time you are chowing down on 25 cent wings at your local pub, think about how proud the cave men are that us men are carrying on their timeless tradition.

What Were You Thinking?

Introducing a new feature here at Man Hub, questioning the actions of the rich and famous. When someone messes up, the writers at Man Hub are going to have some questions they want answered. So without further ado.....Arnold Schwarzenegger, What Were You Thinking?

Arnold is the ultimate man. First, he was a world class bodybuilder. Then he became an action movie star. Starring in movies such as The Terminator, Predator, Total Recall, True Lies, and in possibly the greatest acting perfomance of our generation, starring as Mr. Freeze in Batman and Robin. Then whatever, he became the governor of California. But let us forget all of that for a second, and just ask the question. Arnold, What Were You Thinking?

Here is a look at the woman Arnold had a love child with. Yikes! What makes it worse is that this wild animal was his maid! You are Arnold Schwarzenegger, your maid should be smoking hot. This would not be that big of a story if his maid looked like one of the million girls dressed in sexy maid costumes every Halloween. People would just be like, "Oh well, just another celebrity who can't keep his snake in it's cage." But now, it's like damn if Arnold would have sexy time with this woman, who the hell else is out there with little Terminators running around in the backyard.

Sure there are more important issues here, like the fact that he cheated on his wife thirteen years ago and had a child that nobody knew about. But you don't come to Man Hub for shit like that, so that's not what the focus is here. So Arnold, next time, either hire a better looking maid, or don't have sex with the disgusting one that you have. It's your choice.

Heat vs Bulls Game 2

I didn't watch much of the Heat's victory over the Bulls last night because I was busy watching Jurassic Park on ABC Family. From the few minutes I did see of the game, Lebron and D-Wade were dominating in transition. Pretty much just running through the Bulls on one man fast breaks. I have no idea if this was an actual trend of the game, or just the two minute stretch that I saw. I don't care, because as Charles Barkley said the Heat are a bunch of whiny, arrogant, assholes who only care about themeselves. Ok maybe I am paraphrasing a little.

Let's talk about Jurassic Park. What I want to know is how the hell is this movie not on IMDB's Top 250? Jurassic Park is rated a 7.9, falling just short of making the top 250. So I suggest whoever is reading this goes on the site immediately and rate this cinematic masterpiece a 10 and get it on the list where it belongs. There is just no way a movie called Duck Soup can be on this list ahead of Jurassic Park.

I remember when this movie came out, my dad came and picked me up from school during recess to go see it. While little Matthew and Emily were busy learning simple subtraction or whatever the hell you learn in the first grade, I was being a boss watching a PG-13 movie, gettin my popcorn on in the middle of the day. What's that first grade teacher? Am I leaving early because I am sick? Fuck no, I feel fine, now get off my back and let me watch some dinosaurs.

On to the movie itself. This is a manly man's movie. I mean, did you see that blood sucking lawyer gettin eaten off the crapper? Classic. Raptors just sneaking up on people and eating their faces off. By the way, shouldn't Muldoon, the god damn Raptor expert, have known that the attack was going to come? Maybe he should have spent a little less time shopping for clothes with Steve Irwin, and a little more time studying the behavior of the deadly dinosaurs that he is in charge of.

I could go on forever talking about this movie, but I am not going to. Quick side note, did you know that the little boy Tim grew up to play the Sledge Hammer in HBO's mini series The Pacific? Crazy shit. My man survives a T-Rex attack, falling out of a tree with a car chasing him, getting electrocuted, being trapped in a kitchen with two Raptors and his dumb bitch of a sister, AND World War II. Thats a man for you right there.

Manly Woman on 42nd Street

Here's a little context on this video: Yours truly was walking up 42nd street on a dreary, hungover, Sunday afternoon, and see this anti-american, pro-palestinian, Jew-hating, mob marching towards Grand Central. Immediately whip out the iPhone to video tape the parade and yell expletives at these unpatriotic and ungrateful "citizens" of America...until...I see this...creature. I honestly don't know how to describe "it," except that "it" was posing with a stick, half-naked, and definitely high on PCP. Enjoy...the manliest woman in NYC:

Calling LeBron's LeBluff

ESPN: CHICAGO -- LeBron James won't just be battling the Chicago Bulls' strong defense and raucous crowd for Wednesday night's Game 2 of the Eastern Conference finals.James said Wednesday after the Miami Heat's shootaround that he's been fighting a head cold for the past three days that has been draining him. He said he's been treating it as best as he can with medication and extra rest.
"I'm taking everything you can get from 7-Eleven," James said. "I've been sick since we got here."
While James said the congestion has made it hard to sleep and that it's affecting his energy on the court, he added that's it not so bad it would prevent him from starting Game 2.
James struggled in the Heat's Game 1 loss to the Bulls, scoring just 15 points on 5-of-15 shooting. James did not blame his performance on the illness and has been able to get through all of the Heat's practices and workouts over the last few days.

Your man Señor Blogs is calling Bluff right now on LeBron. This guy is the anti-man. He's constantly making excuses for his poor performance or playing himself up to be the hero. The same thing happened last year when he was with the Cavs in the Boston series: "Aww Delonte West banged my mom, now I'm going to stop trying, get out of Cleveland, and take my talents to South Beach...poor me." No LeBron, you're not kidding Man Hub. You suck. Fuck off. Let's go Bulls. Play like a man and stop complaining. There's nothing worse than a whiny bitch.

Sincerely,

Señor Blogs

Man-Off: German Edition

Guten Tag!

The Scientist vs. The Baller. E=MC2 vs. 7'0" MVP.  The Man of the Century vs. The Man of the Hour. Yes, it's a classic Man-Off, a contest that Man Hub will hold on a "periodic" basis, to determine the manliest man of a certain genre. Today: it's the Germans. Now normally, the German's are best know for being loud, binge-drinking, racists, but here are 2 examples of the good that Germany can bring to the world.

I'm definitely taking Dirk as the winner of this Man-Off, mostly because I can't understand a single goddamn word that has ever come out of Einstein's German mouth. I mean Jesus Christ, the guy could be describing his own bowel movements, and he'd find a way to slip in gravitational pull, quantum theory, or luminiferous ether, all of which I have zero idea what they mean.

Okay, fine, on one hand, Dirk has gotten in bed with some pretty shady characters. But on the other hand, the dude just straight balls out. He is simply unguardable: dropping 48 points in playoff games and being the first European to do anything of significance in the NBA. World class athlete, world class man, and winner of the inaugural Man-Off.

Honorable Mention goes to David Hasselhoff. That guy slayed every chick on Baywatch, but his gay ass music career really brought him down a few manly notches. Sorry David

What Men Should be Watching: Game of Thrones

If you aren't watching Game of Thrones, you should be. And if you don't get HBO, you need to get it, just so you can watch it.

The show features violence, nudity, an awesome dwarf, and potentially dragons. What more can a man ask for? Any questions? Good, now watch the trailer.

Mavs vs Thunder Game 1

Even though I said I didn't care who won this series, which is still true, that doesn't mean that I am not going to watch it. And I am glad I watched last nights game to witness one of the greatest shooting performances in the history of the NBA playoffs....JJ Barea just couldn't miss. Weaving in and out of the defense, hitting floaters and threes like he was playing on the beautiful out door courts of Puerto Rico, and not in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals.

In all seriousness, that little guy can ball, but this game was obviously about Dirk Nowitzki. The big German scored 48 points, on 12-15 shooting, and an NBA postseason record 24-24 from the free throw line. The previous record for most free throws made without a miss was held by dickbag Paul Pierce when he went 21-21 in 2003. We can get into my hatred for Paul Pierce at another time.

Dirk was and is completely unguardable. Serg Ibaka could have been inside his uniform and it wouldn't have mattered. When Dirk is making jumpers there is just nothing a team can do about it. The announcers on ESPN were calling for the Thunder to send help for Ibaka more often, but double teaming Dirk won't accomplish much of anything. His strength is his ability to get his shot off up and over defenders because of his high release, so shooting over two defenders is no different than shooting over one.

On the Thunder side, Kevin Durant did work as he always does, putting up a very impressive, yet completely overshadowed 40 points, to go along with 8 boards and 5 assists. Who knows how many points he would have put up if Russell Westbrook actually gave him the ball. I have never seen a more selfish point guard than Westbrook. He takes horrible shots, and completely ignores Durant when he is calling for the ball. If I was the coach of the Thunder, who looks like a miniature version of Liam Neeson, I would remind him that he has the best scorer in the NBA on his team, stop taking shitty shots, and give him the damn ball. Or else he should get the real Liam Neeson to karate chop his throat until the lesson is learned. And yes, I know Westbrook just had only the 5th triple double in Game 7 history, but Derek Jeter hit two home runs on Mother's Day, and what as he done since then? Unless Westbrook changes the way he plays, it isn't going to matter if Dirk averages 10 points the rest of the way, the Thunder will have no chance.

Don Gorske = Biggest Dumptruck West of the Mississippi

FOX News: Fond du Lac, Wis. –  

A special ceremony is planned Tuesday afternoon at McDonald’s in Fond du Lac for Don Gorske. That’s because, since 1972, Gorske has eaten at least two Big Macs a day, which means the 57-year-old will be eating his 25,000th Big Mac on the 39th anniversary of eating his first.

He has kept most of the boxes or receipts or has made specific notes in calendars that he’s kept.
Gorske says he probably has an obsessive-compulsive disorder but he doesn’t consider it a problem.

Okay seriously Don? Really? We all know Big Mac's are one of the most delicious foods of all time, but 2 a day for the past 39 years?? 25,000?? That's fucking dumpy! Shit, when I wake up from a night of binge drinking and find half a Big Mac on my lap, and the crushed box and wrapper on the floor of my bedroom, I immediately get the meat sweats. You know, that disgusting, greasy, sweat that emanates from your pores even after the simple activity of just standing up to take a piss? Imagine the stank of good ol' Don's clothing on a Sunday night after he eats his 14th Big Mac of the week?? I think the worst part about Don is that he doesn't consider his OCD a problem. New flash Don: you have fucking issues! Stamp collecting...okay, that's fine...but Big Mac box and receipt collecting? That's just fucking weird. I bet the low lifes that work at McDonald's even look at you funny. If you're going to keep going to Mickey D's twice a day, you better start loading up on the apple dippers, because you are a loud startle away from a massive heart attack.

'Mandom' Thought of the Day

Does Charmin use bears in their commercials because they are the animal with the most dingleberries? Just wondering...

Men: Is Kate Upton the Hottest Chick ever?

Kate Upton, Kate Upton, Kate Upton...where do I even begin? Wait a second, that was a retarded question, of course I know where to begin. I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with "Silk Hugs." I mean jesus christ, those babies are out of this world! At 5'10" with some healthy measurements of 33D-25-36, Kate literally looks like a 2011 version of Marilyn Monroe pumped with a little extra silicone. Okay yes, I've heard the critics, who've said,"OMFG, look at her mouth! What an awful tooth-to-gum ratio!!" My response: WTF!! As men, wouldn't you prefer a woman who was a little on the 'gummy' side, if you know what I mean? I have absolutely zero problem with her mouth, in fact, I embrace it. Smile Kate! Let us see those pearly whites! Kate turns 19 in a month, so let's hope that like a fine wine, she only gets better with age.

NBA "Lottery" Decided Tonight

So the Western Conference Finals get under way tonight, who is going to win? I don't really care. No matter who wins Kevin Durant will still show up to his press conferences with his back pack strapped tight, looking like he is on his way to his biology final.

The big news tonight however, is that teams in the lottery will find out their positions in this years NBA Draft. With Harrison Barnes, Jared Sullinger, and Terrance Jones all going back to school, a weak draft class has become even weaker, and has turned this lottery into one of the worst in recent memory. Winning this lottery is going to matter as much as winning "Most Injury Prone," in your high school year book. The winner isn't going to be happy now, and will still hold a grudge five years later.

The top pick figures to either be Kyrie Irving of Duke, or Derrik Williams of Arizona. While both are very good players, neither are good enough to turn a franchise around. And even with a weak draft class, every draft has players that turn out to be very good pros, but other than these two, are there any future all-stars in this draft? It doesn't look like it, unless Jimmer becomes a complete player or Kemba decides to play every game of his career like its a Big East Tournament game.

So good luck, Minnesota, Cleveland, Washington, Sacramento, and whoever else sucked in the NBA this year. The 2012 lottery is only a year away.

What is Wrong with the Yankees?

This is how I feel as a Yankee fan right now. Like Pedro Martinez took me by my big, round, bald head and threw me forcefully to the ground. Now I know what Don Zimmer went through. I am shocked, disgusted, and angry with how shitty the Yankees are playing right now. At least if i was face down, ass up in the grass I wouldn't have to watch what is going on with team right now.

Losing six in a row is bad enough, but doing it the way the Yankees have makes it even worse. I could give you stats from the losing streak, but I am a very lazy man, and you don't need stats to see that this team can't hit. Curtis Granderson is the only hitter I want to see at the plate right now. The Yankees need to petition to the league to use backyard three on three baseball rules, and use "ghost runners" so Granderson can just hit over and over.

And can somebody please explain to me why Tex continues to bat 3rd in the lineup when all he does is swing at the first pitch and pop up to the infield? You have one of the best hitters in baseball in Robinson Cano batting 5th, coming up with nobody on base because Tex and A-Rod decided to have a "Who Can Have a Lower Batting Average," contest. If you want to know who is winning, look that shit up yourself. All I know is your best hitter is supposed to be hitting 3rd, and Cano is the Yankees best hitter.

People are making way too big of a deal about Jorge Posada refusing to play. Yeah it was a cop out, and you should play no matter where you are in the lineup, but the dude can't hit. He is a liability to have in the game, so if he doesn't want to play, that only makes the lineup better. So tell your way too attractive for you, obviously gold digging wife to stop tweeting that you have a bad back and sit on the bench and watch your team lose without you.

I really can't get on the pitching because it has been way better than expected. Unless you count Rafael Soriano as a pitcher.